Taxing Twenty-two

Hi Aunties and Uncles! I have not had a good week! Mamma is stressed, and seeing as we share a body and everything, that sends bad vibes my way. Grandpa gave her and Daddy a small house in Kandy, which they rented out and now the tenants broke the lease (as well as the furniture) and they have not paid their bills. The water and electricity to the house has been cut and Mamma is in a major mood about sitting for four hours each way in a car up and down windy bumpy roads to deal with it. She doesn’t think it’s good for me and that’s what stresses her the most (besides the crazy bureaucracy she’d have to go through to get the utilities connected again).

Also, there are no decent places to pee along the way and she doesn’t know what to do about that since I’m kind of pressing on her bladder and making her go on the hour, every hour. I could try to do something about that, but even with Mamma’s wide hips, I can’t help but have to move around every so often to get comfy and stretch—after all, I am stuck in a sac and growing at a rate now.

Then to make it worse, she thought she would stay with Grandma and Grandpa to get some rest while Daddy was away (naughty Daddy is still not home from his trip to Vietnam) and our cook allegedly ran off with someone’s salary and the booze in the house, and there’s some long convoluted story to that that makes Mamma’s head spin (which in turn effects the ambiance in here for me). It’s amazing how Mamma’s moods affect me. I mean, I do have my own mind, but this whole symbiotic relationship thing is really the pits sometimes.

So as you can guess, it’s not fun for me this week. I miss my Daddy, who is still in Vietnam. I threw a tantrum, kicking every one of Mamma’s vital organs I could reach, so she asked Daddy to call and she put the phone on her belly and that appeased me to some extent. Bad Daddy, I have made a mental note to pee on your lap when I get out there, and don’t think you can sweet talk me out of it!

In other distressing news, Mamma has taken to singing again. You should hear her go at it—she’s really belting it out since she knows Daddy is not here to hide behind the door and laugh at the out of tune mess that she is (because that’s what he does). You’d be hysterical Daddy! I mean, she is butchering Pearl Jam and Queen classics. She even sang ‘Gloria’ really loudly and made a glorious mess out it. My poor brand new spanking ears!

I sometimes don’t know whether to laugh or cry when she goes at it (and trust me, I can do both from in here). She better not mess up the Boss’s tunes though, I love Bruce Springsteen! Hey! Just because I’m not breathing on my own doesn’t mean I don’t have musical preferences.

On to brighter things…I weigh more than a pound now. Mamma can use that as an excuse to munch on the cake I’ve been making her crave. Speaking of which, I think it’s teatime, but what do I know in here? It’s all dark and stuff all day. Oh before I go, I have been up to some of my antics. Grandma is dying to feel me move, but even though I have been having my tantrums, I stay really still when she touches Mamma’s belly to tease her a little. Maybe tomorrow I’ll oblige. Gotta keep my sense of humor in here. Please leave your comments for me! I could use the moral support this week: ) Lots of love, Baby BB 6

Another song redone:
Manic Monday
Panic Mom-day

Six o'clock already
I’ve got to get steady
I was just in the middle of a dream
I can’t eat those pickles and cream
I was kissin' Valentino
I will need a ton of Bean-o
By a crystal blue Italian stream
And my pants are tearing up at the seam

But I can't be late
I just gained weight
'Cause then I guess I just won't get paid
And I guess I’m bigger than my mate
These are the days
Oh how many days
When you wish your bed was already made
That I wish this nausea would already fade

*It's just another manic Monday
It’s just another panic Mom-day
I wish it was Sunday
Heartburn is here to stay
'Cause that's my funday
I wish there was just one day
An I-don't-have-to-run day
That I could just sleep all day
It's just another manic Monday
It’s just another panic Mom-day

Have to catch an early train
Have got baby on the brain
Got to be to work by nine
Have to pee all of the time
And if I had an aeroplane
And I got this weird old pain
I still couldn't make it on time
Aching up and down on my spine
'Cause it takes me so long
My waist said so long
Just to figure out what I'm gonna wear
Wish I’d fit into my old underwear
Blame it on the train
Dressing is such a bane
When the bus is already there
Where’s there’s no maternity wear

CHORUS
All of the nights
Get hold of the tights
Why did my lover have to pick last night
Why, getting in them’s gonna be my last fight
To get down
I’m too round
Doesn't it matter
Yes, my butt’s fatter
That I have to feed the both of us
But I have to eat for two of us
Employment's down
Yet keep my weight down
He tells me in his bedroom voice
You know if I had the choice
C'mon honey, let's go make some noise
I would handle of this with poise
Time it goes so fast
Gas: it ain’t no blast
When you're having fun
When will I be done?